January 25, 2011

Tuesday Edit Crunch: Beware AutoEditor App

I've uploaded this *App and it's driving me a little crazy.

First off, if any of you know me, you are already scratching your heads, asking, "Krista uploaded an app?" and looking out the window for other miraculous oddities, like flying cows.

Secondly, I didn't seek out this app. In all this new programming to become a published author, all this learning how to edit and revise, cleaning up manuscripts and getting rid of needless words like that, there, which, was . . . keeping subjects and verbs in agreement . . . undangling participles . . . it must have been attached to a doc or some Adware or something. Riding piggy-back on an eye-opening article about dialog tags, no doubt.

Thirdly, I seem to be stuck with it. It is embedded deep within the recesses of my processor and even when I think it has been silenced, somebody says, "What time are we meeting at?" and BLAMMO, the AutoEditor App cringes and runs a full scan to correct the infarction. Fortunately, so far I seem to be in control of any audio response, and allow an audible correction only for my children and, occasionally, my long-suffering husband.

I'm struggling right this very second. *struggles, clenching teeth, holding breath* Bah!

"At what time are we meeting?" Or simply, "When are we meeting?"

*breathes deeply*

See what I mean? I don't even know what that placing 'at' at the end of a sentence is called! Is this how I am to spend the rest of my days? Stumbling as I read? Taking second glances as someone speaks? Interrupting otherwise pleasant thoughts with red pen marks and grammar hunts? Imagine what happens when something comes up and I don't know the correction! I don't pretend to know it all. Excuse me, but "lay" or "lie"? "Laid" or "lied"? I've begun to use, "fell" instead. "I'm tired. I think I'll go fall down." Oh, to be Annette Lyon! But wait, I think she may suffer from this app as well. As a matter of fact, I'm sure of it.

 *eye twitch*

At least I can take comfort in that I am not alone. Perhaps it's a virus? Just this morning I received an email from a friend who lives in Hollywood and works in the film industry. Sam (Samantha), expressed her frustration with this very thing. Allow me to share.
Today, I went to the store after work and was ambushed on my way out by a self proclaimed 'artist' (always cause for concern).  The following conversation ensued in the state of California:
MORON:  Hi, do you got a minute?
SAM:  No.  *walks away*
MORON:  Do you mind if I walk with you a little bit?
SAM:  *sigh of instant defeat*
MORON:  I'm selling my music.  Would you be interested in buying some hip rap music?
SAM:  No.  I don't like rap music. Good luck though.  *walks away*

MORON:  *still following Sam*  Hey, you know who you remind me of?
SAM:  *big sigh*  Oh please, no.
MORON:  It's a actor.  His name is Michael J. Fox.  Hearda him?
SAM:  *sincerely* Yeah, he's awesome.  *incredulously*  He's also a dude.
MORON:  I know.  You seen that one movie, "Teen Wolf"?  You look like him.  It's yo hair.
SAM:  *squints, exhales, turns and walks away speechless and ticked off that she didn't have a comeback, but mostly disturbed that he said "a actor" instead of  "an actor"*

Oh, Sam, I feel for you. I really do.

*Not an actual App. I'm being facetious about my hyper inner editor.


Shari said...

I'm feeling for your and your frustrating app. I can't even imagine.

Norma said...

That's got to be really annoying. Now you not only have to turn off the internal editor, you have to turn of the app. as well.
What's the world comming to?

Mary Gray said...

hehe. You're funny, Krista. Sounds like you have a kindred spirit in Sam.

Krista said...

I really don't mean to. ;) And I don't come across it every hour of every day, thank goodness! But when I'm writing a first draft, I'd really like to know what it's like to be able to turn it off. Oh well!

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