Just Wait

I can't believe it's been two years since I've posted. Well, yes I can. A lot has happened since then, sadly not much of it has been writing. I've battled multiple surgeries (me:4, husband:1, daughter:2) and chronic illness, among other things. The toll on my writing groove was high. I say "was" because I'm climbing out of it and will have my groove back in full swing. It feels great. Super great. But it's been a very long time.

I was able to do a few things while in battle. I taught at Storymakers and was asked back again this year. I wrote my first historical romance when I was invited to contribute to this lovely anthology:

Isn't it beautiful? My story is Christmas at Canterwood. All the stories are a treasure.

I truly enjoyed writing this story and have been asked to write another Regency due this summer. More research!

I rewrote and finished a contemporary romance I had shelved (Hold On Forever), and just submitted it to my publisher two weeks ago. I'll learn within a couple of months if they like it or not. Guys, this was HUGE. I honestly questioned whether or not I had it in me anymore. I guess I do. Watch for more news on that.

AND my friend, Suzanne Gale, urged me with all the urging of an accountability partner bestie who thinks she knows what's best for me (and she usually does) to apply for the Writing Excuses Writing Retreat CRUISE scholarship. Putting the packet together alone was good for me. I almost didn't do it. So much bad was happening in life, on top of the physical pain. Nonetheless, Suzy persisted. Writing the personal essay was healing. Gathering the letters of recommendation from friends was assuring. Choosing my writing samples was hard, but it forced me to take a look at words I'd written and remember that I'd done this before, this writing thing, and I was pretty good at it.

If you follow me on IG (kristalynnej), you know the basic, miraculous, I'm-still-in-shock outcome of that application. Here are the mini-story graphics I made to share it.

Hello?! I'm going on a WRITING CRUISE. I'll be saying that a lot between now and September.

I also thought I'd post my Personal Essay here. I'm a little scared to do that, because, hey, it's personal, heh. But it's also my writing. And apparently it's good writing. And this is my writing blog.
So here. With love.

I drowned once. At least, I should have. I was almost three years old and remember it like looking through dimpled glass. Or maybe water.

Our apartment complex had a swimming pool. In Renton, Washington where it rained and rained, we had a swimming pool. The sun did come out, though, and the pool filled with tenants, noisy, joyful. My mom found an open lounge chair and settled herself with a towel and a magazine. I had a cup.

I don’t know if the cup was mine or if I’d found it lying somewhere and had claimed it, but I crouched at the edge of the pool, surrounded by splashing and shouts and laughter, and gripped it with both hands, dipped it in the water, poured it out, dipped it again. Watching water fill and pour in the sunlight.

At the deep end.

A boy came, not much older than I was, ripped the cup from my hands and pushed me in.

I remember the small gasp of air and surprise I took before hitting tepid water and slipping beneath. I remember not struggling. Surely someone saw me. Surely my mom, or the legs kicking around me attached to people, surely someone saw. The boy would tell someone.

But I floated midway between top and bottom, looking. Hoping. Sinking in muted sound and blue.

Fear blossomed—a feeling, a knowledge that being invisible here meant danger, and no one saw me.

A kick. A panic.

Wait, I heard. Just wait.

My eyes were drawn to the shallow end across the pool. A splash of bubbles exploded beneath the surface and emerging from them, a woman with long, dark hair trailing behind her like a mermaid swimming toward me.

I recognized her. She lived on my floor. Her waist-long brown hair was always worn down and shiny, and she smiled at me whenever she saw me in the hall as I hid behind my mom’s legs.

She swam straight for me. Between half-submerged bodies and surface-swimmers across the length of the pool. Straight for me.

Wait. Just wait.

As she neared, I reached my arms out to her. She reached back, folding her own around my body and pushing me up, up, out of the water and to the ledge where hands grabbed me and pulled me and placed me with my mom who squeezed and squeezed and squeezed me.

I don’t remember coughing or choking or crying. Just blinking water from my eyes. The story is I fell asleep within minutes.

I’m asking myself why I’ve shared this memory as part of my essay. It came to mind when you asked, “What makes you unique?” I’ve had other brushes with death. But this memory—this is my first memory. Of life.

Over the past five years my family and I have been hit by wave after wave, breakers of trial pushing us under, and as we swim up, reach the surface, think we can grab a breath, another crashing blow hits and under we go again. And through all of this, I nearly lost my writing. I could not escape physical pain far enough into my imagination, could not write romance when pummeled by pornography and infidelity, could not face making up conflict when so much already filled my reality, could not write happy endings when I wasn’t sure they existed. Injury. Illness. Addiction. Loss. Death. I would stare at my laptop screen. After four published novels, three published novellas, and five more unpublished novels in nine years, my passion was drowning in fear. My words.

Wait, I kept hearing. Just wait.

And one morning only a few weeks ago I woke up, ideas like bubbles rising around me in water. Words came like arms around me, pushing me up and I don’t know what will happen and I still fear the next wave, and I’m still in pain, but my words are coming.

And in considering this memory and what it means to me, and what it means to this essay and this entry and the writing still inside me, maybe it is this:

We are not meant to be invisible here.

Book Academy and Variant Launch 3...2...1

This week I had the pleasure of driving down to Orem, Utah, for UVU Book Academy AND the book launch of Robison Wells' VARIANT. It's a long drive, and I had it all to myself and a book on CD, and it was worth every hour on the road. Sarah M. Eden, whose book SEEKING PERSEPHONE was last month's giveaway for the Countdown Celebration, started off my morning at UVU with a WOOHOO even before breakfast, when she told me she'd just learned her next book was coming out in January, same month as OF GRACE AND CHOCOLATE, and asked if I was interested in doing a book launch TOGETHER.

INTERESTED???

You bet your sweet BIPPY.

So look out for that because it's going to be the best double book launch EVER.

Sarah M. Eden points out our infamous keynote speaker, Dan Wells, who managed to pull off a vampire joke despite pre-speech doubts. Well done, Wells. And nice haircut.

Emily Clausen and Julie Bellon, writers and Twitter friends!

It's always so great to see my friend Abel Keogh, author of Dating a Widower, and THE THIRD. He was a tremendous help with revising THE INN (about a woman and a widower), before we ever met!

THE BOOK on my lap, waiting for Robison Well's signature at Kings English bookstore in SLC. This particular copy goes to my son, who has been waiting very (im)patiently.

Look at the pretty colors. Here is part of Marion Jensen's writing group, who were kind enough to let me tag along from Orem to SLC. Thank you Cory Webb, Tresa Ruger, Marion Jensen, Chris Miller, Margot Hovely, and the rest not pictured!

Michele Paige Holmes and Annette Lyon waiting for Rob's opening remarks. Michele's book, CAPTIVE HEART, will be November's giveaway for the Countdown Celebration. Yay!

Howard Taylor is usually more animated than this. @maijasmumblings, a Twitter friend, and Dan Wells are talking about how hungry they are. They must not see the eclairs. But I see Jessica Day George behind Howard. Smile, Howard!

Sarah Eden, who was gracious enough to live in Provo and give me a ride BACK to Orem, and Margot Hovely, who is THIS CLOSE to getting her own book out.

Sarah, Me, Margot, and Marion, who thinks we have cooties.

Just kidding.

Made it to the man himself. Rob declared me to have traveled the farthest. Totally worth it. Really proud of you, Rob. And I'm in the acknowledgments. It's like I wrote the book. *snort*

Finally officially met Jeff Scott Savage. His wife was great to take this picture. Very fun meeting them both! And Shanda Cottam from LDS Womens Book Review is ALWAYS so good for me! You make-a-me smile, lady!

Don't forget! I'm announcing the October giveaways for the Grace and Chocolate Countdown Celebration tomorrow!

Storymakers: CONFLICT: BLAMMO

Because Blogger was down last week, I didn't get to post when I wanted. But here we are, a new week, and I still have plenty to write about and share!

Today's post I will be sharing what I learned from a presentation given at Storymakers Writers Conference by Clint Johnson, teacher, mentor, and author of Green Dragon Codex. His class was entitled, CONFLICT & THE MECHANISM OF STORY, and it was the first class I attended of the conference.

CLINT IS BRILLIANT.

Having said that, when he began his class by pronouncing talent has very little to do with writing a great story, my little writer's ego went HOLD ON and dug in her heels. Lucky for Clint, well, lucky for me, he backed up his gutsy claim, and did so in a way that had my ego sitting up and taking notes like crazy.

As much talent as we've been given, as much as we have "the knack for writing", or anything else for that matter, if we don't have the tools, the knowledge, the drive to DO IT RIGHT, what good is talent? Someone with far less talent can research, discover, put forth the effort, and DO IT RIGHT. They will find themselves published while a person of "talent" is still sitting on their thumbs, or pouring out pretty drivel and submitting in a manner that gets their query deleted from the inbox because they've placed the first paragraph of their novel in the "subject" of their email to an agent who doesn't represent that genre. That was a long sentence.

Anyhow, after Clint made that point, he moved on to the focus of the class, which was CONFLICT. He compared a story to an engine, and conflict as the FUEL to the engine. You can have all the other parts there: character, voice, but without conflict the story isn't going anywhere.

I'm having a hard time choosing what to include in this post without copying my notes word for word, but there were two very effective exercises we did in class that changed the way I'm forming my characters and conflict in my current project.

Clint asked us to pinpoint our protagonist's need, the emotional need behind it, the opposition to filling that need, and the initial action that will propel the protagonist to ACT. This was eye-opening. My current project has two protagonists. Answering this challenge to the male lead was easy for me. Totally clear. The female lead? I was STUMPED. And she's the opening character. So I had to dig around, consider her, create a response to this challenge.

The second exercise addressed STAKES. External (social status, natural disaster, illness . . .) and Internal (faith, obtaining love, self-worth . . .). We were to answer the question: If our character fails, what will happen 1) Socially? and 2) Privately?

It was great to answer these questions about my characters. I could see how it would deepen the storyline and how I write their POV.

Then, after we'd written our answers, Clint commanded, "NOW, COMPLICATE THESE STAKES."

As an example, Clint used the following simple scenario.Original idea: There is a bomb that will kill 1 million people. Pretty high stakes, right? But then Clint COMPLICATED the stakes: 1 bomb that will kill 1,000 people AND ONE SIGNIFICANT OTHER.

All of the sudden it's a whole other emotional ballgame.

This command stayed with me throughout the conference and during the drive home, and afterward, I was hit with several "Ah-HA" ideas that complicate the stakes. Things that were there in the storyline I'd already set up, but BLAMMO hadn't discovered the opportunity yet.

There was so much more in this 2-hour Master Class, and it was the perfect way to kick off the conference. If you ever get a chance to attend a class by Clint Johnson, I recommend it.

So, pinpoint the conflict and all its parts, and up the stakes. Clint said, "Story is not plot. Story is how the character RESPONDS to plot."

Get after it.

Writers Bootcamp: Drop and Gimme Fifteen!

For me and hundreds of others, Storymakers Writing Conference began Thursday afternoon at Bootcamp. This is an optional session for those of us who wanted feedback on a current work-in-progress from a small group of peers. I could have signed up for a Romance table, but instead I decided I needed feedback on my new endeavor, YA. So, I shared a table with five other YA writers, and our table's Bootcamp instructor, Lu Ann Staheli.
Lu Ann is an author, educator, editor, and writing coach. She rocks.

L-R Rachel, M___, Jane, Lu Ann, Me, Leah (who is in my writing group in Cody), and Joy. I can't remember M___'s name as it was unique and she didn't write it on her critique paper, but she is a lovely woman.

Lu Ann really kept us on our toes, as we had six authors to go through in six hours, including a break. It worked like this: Each of us brought six copies of fifteen pages of our ms. Since there were 7 of us, we had to share at times. The author read their pages aloud all the way through while the rest of us made notes on our own copies with red pens. Then Lu Ann led us through her critique of the pages for that author, and we all followed up with anything Lu Ann hadn't already covered. Efficient, yes?

Our table had a wide range of sub-genres, everything from YA romance to post-apocalyptic to urban contemporary. Mine is a fantasy. It was fun to hear all the different voices and ideas.

My feedback was very encouraging:

I needed to make my first scene it's own chapter, and clarify the age of my main characters. There were some awkward descriptions and points that could be shown, not told. I use the word small too much. I also had a 7-line run-on sentence! That's not small. Lu Ann was starring her favorite parts, but stopped because she said it would be full of stars (yay!). She also gave me the names of two authors to read, and told me I should find out who their publisher and agent is, so that was AWESOME.

All in all, it was very intense, focused, and encouraging. Everyone was helpful, courteous, and honest with one another. I didn't feel like anyone was holding back, and I felt I could be honest and not resented for the feedback I was giving.

As I drove home with my writing group after the whole conference, we spent most of the 8-hour drive in our own version of Bootcamp, running through our plot-lines and character bios (without any copy--it was all crammed in the trunk of my Subaru) in turn, and brainstorming like crazy. It was so great, and all of us discovered some awesome solutions, twists, and conflict.

For me, Bootcamp was definitely worth the extra fee and nerves. After we got going, the nerves turned to excitement. I have already begun applying what I learned to my ms, and it's the better for it. As I've said before, getting unbiased feedback is necessary if you want to improve your story, and improve as a writer.

Thank you, Storymakers!

How was your Bootcamp experience? Would you do it again?

Action Snapshots of Storymakers and The Whitney Gala. Yeah, that's what we'll call them.

I borrowed my son's smaller camera for my trip, and through some misunderstanding, I wasn't using it properly. So next year I will bring my big camera, lug it around everywhere, and take great pics. But until then, put on your 3D glasses and enjoy!

The Table of Awesome that I was invited to sit at Friday morning. L-R Abel Keogh-The Third, Sara Crowe-literary agent, (outof pic) Dan Wells-I Am Not A Serial Killer, Howard Tayler, who drew my caricature while we were sitting there and I will post it later)-Schlock Mercenary, Don Carey-Bumpy Landings, Rob Wells-Variant, Bruce Eschler, TJ Bronley (who was just as giddy as I was), and Berin Stephens-Dragon War Relic.

Sarah M. Eden at book signing.

My friends, Daron Fraley (a Cody boy)-The Thorn, Abel Keogh (who helped me with The Inn)-The Third, and Tracy Hunter Abramson who is all kinds of awesome support-Smokescreen (and others).

Sue and Leah from our fun Cody group!

Sally, from CO, Norma and Carla from our Cody group!

Carla Parsons, who made me write fiction, then made me submit it. I'm doing the same to her, now.

Fun Speculative Fiction Panel. "What are some good settings for Spec fiction?" James: "Mazes?"

James Dashner, Robison Wells, Dave Wolverton/Farland, Julie Wright, and Howard Tayler

The LDSWBR ladies: Shanda, Mindy, and Sheila, and Melissa J. Cunningham. They all rock.

Me and the LDSWBR ladies. I got to help with their Whitney presentation a bit.

Finally got to meet the Gracious Rogue, David J. West, one of my first Twitter buddies.

Me and James Dashner. The Dash. Maze Runner. 13th Reality. That guy. He knows me now.

At the Whitney Awards Gala, I was happy to sit with Gale Sears, whose book, The Silence of God, was nominated.

My friend, Stephanie Black. I love her. She is so sweet. And she writes murder suspense. So, so sweet. Her book, Cold As Ice, won a Whitney!

The losers' cheesecake pity picture. L-R Susan Law Corpany, Janette Rallison, Sarah M. Eden, Tracy Hunter Abramson, James Dashner, J. Scott Savage

I loved this moment. Julie Wright, Cross My Heart, won for Romance.  Several years ago Rob came up with the idea for the Whitney's, and the first people he told, Dan Wells, Brandon Sanderson, Annette Lyon, and Julie, all won this year.

This may be my favorite picture. Annette Lyon, Band of Sisters, won for General Fiction. She's still weepy here. Weepy and happy. I was so happy for her, too.

Robison Wells, Variant, and Dan Wells, the Serial Killer Trilogy, and their happy agent, Sara Crowe. Dan won Best Novel of the Year, Mr. Monster (tied with Brandon Sanderson, Way of Kings). His acceptance began with, "What is wrong with you people?"

Josi Kilpack took over from Robison Wells this year and did a fabulous job. Yay, Josi!

Me and my humble host, Marion Jensen. I'm not the only one who takes wrong turns in Salt Lake City. He was awesome.

Between my camera and people trying to be cute we tried this picture 4 times. This is the best one, hand and all. Rob's wife Erin is so sweet and we were both in purple. It required a picture.

Winners Dan Wells and Brandon Sanderson, and not winner, Howard Tayler. Aww, Howard. Brandon Sanderson is an inspiration to me and I chickened out introducing myself, even though I had a llama story all ready.

James Dashner was invited to also not be a winner in the winner picture. Aww, James.

Covenant Editors Kirk Shaw and Samantha Van Walraven, and Tracy, who is also a Covenant author.

I had a very good talk with Kirk after his class, and Samantha is my editor at Covenant. Samantha's advice to me for the evening: "Keep writing, and win one of these." Okee doke.

John Ferguson, who was one who kept trying to walk through my pictures. So I took one of him. Turned out pretty good, actually.

Shanda interviewing Howard for LDSWBR. She interviewed me, too. Very fun.

I loved finally meeting Kimberly Vanderhorst, who gave me wonderful feedback for Grace & Chocolate before I submitted it, and now it's coming out in 2012! She's just beautiful!

Annette, Sheila, Josi, Sarah, Lisa Mangum, Shanda, and Mindy. Lisa is the author of The Hourglass Door, The Golden Spiral, and (squeal) The Forgotten Locket, coming out at the end of this month. I love this series!

I'm hoping other attendees post better pics than these! But you get the idea. I'll be posting what I learned from the workshops all week. It was such an amazing conference. I was sad when it was over, but my head was so stuffed with new information I was ready to come home and put it to use. I honestly can't wait until I qualify to be part of this amazing group of people who make up LDStorymakers. I've already made so many friends.

Thanks to all who make it happen!

Music Video for Storymakers Lyrics Contest: OH MY

I can finally post it! First, the link to the original iconic music video is here. The link to the parody starring a bunch of goofy and amazingly talented writers is here.

FICTION (Freedom, George Michael)

I might write it down
I might make it up
Gotta move the words all around
I’ll take my chances with this plot
I might write it down
I might make it up
‘Cause I would really really love to be contract-bound, oh yeah

Heaven knows I was just a young kid
Didn’t know what I wanted to be
I was every high school English teacher’s pride and joy
But it wasn’t quite enough for me
To win the race, a well-timed pace
A seamless plot and my MC’s face
On an ad for a Whitney
But the reason why I write this way is not the same
No way                                                      
You can think of it as therapy

I think there's something you should know
I think it's time I told you so
There's something deep inside of me
There's someone else I've got to be
I’ve got these voices in my head
You should be careful where you tread
I just hope you understand
Sometimes your lives end up in my hands.

All we have to do now
Is take these lies and make them true somehow
All we have to see
what might be lies to you
Are real enough to me yeah yeah
Fiction,
Fiction,
Fiction,
Be careful what you say
Fiction,
Fiction,
Fiction,
Be careful what you say

Heaven knows we sure have some fun, boy
What a kick, just my hero and me
We have every angst-filled villain bent on the run, boy
yes we’re living in a fantasy
finding romance
taking a chance
solving crime with a second glance
at my double-you-I-P
And the way I play the game ain’t gonna change
No way
Yeah, you can call it therapy

I think there's something you should know
I think it’s time the world should know
There's something deep inside of me
There’s someone else I’ve got to be
I’ve got these voices in my head
You should be careful where you tread
I just hope you understand
Sometime your lives end up in my hands

All we have to do now
Is take these lies and make them true somehow
All we have to see
what might be lies to you
are real enough to me, yeah yeah
Fiction
Fiction
Fiction
Be careful what you say
Fiction
Fiction
Fiction
Be careful what you say

Well it looks like the road to published
but it feels like it never ends
I submitted in the summer
now the snow is making the trees bend
Imagine my book signing
Going through a million pens
But if I get that far
Chances are
I’ll get put next to Mary Higgins Clark

That's what you get,
That's what you get,
That's what you get,
I say that's what you get
That's what you get for playing in your mind
That's what you get for playing in your mind

That's what you get,
That's what you get,
And after all this time
I just hope you understand
Sometimes your lives end up in my hands

All we have to do now is take these lies
And make them true somehow
All we have to see is what might be lies to you
are real enough to me yeah yeah
Fiction,
Fiction,
Fiction,
Be careful what you say
Fiction,
Fiction,
Fiction,
Be careful what you say
Be careful what you careful what you say

be careful what you say to me
it may end up in my mystery
what you say now
I’ve got to write I’ve got to write
(return to top)

Thanks to Crystal Leichty,Debbie Hulet, Elizabeth Mueller, Frank Cole, Jaime Theler, Heather Moore, Jessica Day George, Josi Kilpack, LeAnn Setzer, Marion Jensen, Melissa J. Cunningham, Michele Holmes, Sarah Eden, Paul Eden, and Stephanie Fowers. So glad I'm not alone in this.

Lookin' For Adventure, or, You Know, Storymakers

I've had to move my blogs down on the priority list this week as I've been running through my to-do list.

6 copies of 15 pages of SILK manuscript CHECK
rough Synopsis of SILK CHECK
binder/notebook CHECK
pens, black and red CHECK
business cards CHECK
chocolate-covered cinnamon bears CHECK
laptop SORT OF CHECK

clothes (duh) CHECK
shoes (too many) CHECK
dress for Whitney Gala CHECK
toiletries and jewelry KINDA CHECK
pillow CHECK
CAMERA oops, forgot to ask son if I could borrow his. Mine is HUGE and needed for daughter's prom. Hmm.

Hawaii and American Samoa quarters for TJ Bronley

STILL TO DO:
clean out car and gas up
shower and finish packing
freak out because I'm going to STORYMAKERS WRITING CONFERENCE (okay, I've been doing that for awhile)
pack snacks and water bottles
pick up my writer pals
GET MY MOTOR RUNNIN, HEAD OUT ON THE HIGHWAY . . .

SEE YOU NEXT WEEK! HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!